In golf, people who play slower than you, usually are in front of you on the golf course. People who player faster, are behind you.
In the first place God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made Democrats
The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.
There's an old proverb out there somewhere…that says just about whatever you want it to.
When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Senility: The state of mind of elderly persons with whom one happens to disagree.
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
If you're not on somebody's shit list, you're not doing anything worthwhile.
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
I would never die for my beliefs because I could be wrong.
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
And in those action movies where you see a speeding car hitting the lowered back ramp of a C-130 as the plane accelerates to lift off…. When the speeding car’s back wheels get on that ramp, isn’t he goin’ to power right on through that plane and bust out the front. ‘Cause the stopping distance goin’ more than 70 miles an hour is longer than the plane’s cargo hold. Right?
Beauty, brains, availability, personality; pick any two.
To argue with a Democrat is like administering medicine to the dead.
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
It is fairly easy to get rich if you are very, very stingy... but then what's the use?
Mother to son, "john you should be ashamed for calling your sister stupid. Now apologize."
John, "Sis, I'm sorry your stupid."