Humor's out there everywhere. Feel it, brother and sister... Look around. It's everywere. There isn't a bit of proof or evidence that life has to be taken seriously. Smile.
These are good times for me… these golden years. Brenda’s 2010 stroke stopped my roaming, permanently putting me at her side, and that’s been a good thing.
Not her stroke that paralyzed the left side of her body, that was not good. But she never complains. Ever. She has accepted her physical limitations and maintains her cheery la bonne vie ways, that has marked her attitude with me for more than 48 year.
So we get up in the morning, play with our dogs along the way downstairs to coffee and sweet rolls.
I turn off the front light and turn the cable stereo on to an easy listening channel on the way out to pick up the local paper and the USA Today.
Back to the kitchen table, I start the front page of the local Review-Tribune and my sense of wellness and good cheer takes a hit as I read the headlines, and then on page 2, the police blotter. For every article that’s upbeat and positive about life, there are 20 that detail the crap in our lives, and how it stinks and carries disease. Only in the entertainment section and maybe a little in sports is there in any reason to smile.
And the USA Today? Jesus H. Christ. Who do they answer to? It portrays any form of life that doesn’t adhere to doomsday prophecy as wrong. Hell according to USA Today everything’s broke, never was right… needs change.
I like good humor. Like to laugh. Like Dave Berry. Like/liked Bill Cosby, Robin Williams, Carol Burnett, Richard Pryor, Jerry Seinfeld.
So for those of you who also like laughin’ here’s was collected on my computer over the last few days…
Let’s start with some pictures of real field ingenuity that looks funny in a snapshot, but by god they got the job done. You know what I mean? Each is a story of people making do with what they got. It’s not IBM office humor, or political sarcasm, or anything from the bible. They just makes me smile…
My cousin, Alan Parker, is a Canadian. Fine, fine fellow with a fantastic sense of humor, sharper at the cutting edge than mine… here’s something he sent me yesterday.
August 15, 2016 | 2:17pm
New Orleans firefighter William Ziegler, 69, “escaped this mortal realm” on July 29.
Anyone who has had to write an obituary for a loved one knows how challenging it can be.
Trying to capture someone’s essence and the way you felt about them in a handful of words is a big ask.
That’s why we have to hand it to offspring of former New Orleans firefighter William Ziegler for penning one of the most entertaining tributes we’ve read.
Ziegler, 69, “escaped this mortal realm” on July 29. The family jokes that, unlike previous times, this was “not a ploy to avoid creditors or old girlfriends … he assures us that he is gone.”
The obituary appeared in the Times-Picayune on Friday. The publication has said the tribute “quickly went viral” and some have called it “one of the all-time great obituaries.”
Ziegler’s daughter, Sharah Currier, told the Times-Picayune that her dad would always pass along strange obituaries. “He would have loved this,” she says. “He probably would have forwarded this obituary to us.”
Here it is in its entirety:
He assures us he is gone
William Ziegler escaped this mortal realm on Friday, July 29, 2016 at the age of 69.
We think he did it on purpose to avoid having to make a decision in the pending presidential election.
He leaves behind four children, five grandchildren, and the potted meat industry, for which he was an unofficial spokesman until dietary restrictions forced him to eat real food.
William volunteered for service in the United States Navy at the ripe old age of 17 and immediately realized he didn’t much enjoy being bossed around. He only stuck it out for one war.
Before his discharge, however, the government exchanged numerous ribbons and medals for various honorable acts.
Upon his return to the City of New Orleans in 1971, thinking it best to keep an eye on him,
government officials hired William as a fireman.
After twenty-five years, he suddenly realized that running away from burning buildings made more sense than running toward them. He promptly retired.
Looking back, William stated that there was no better group of morons and mental patients than those he had the privilege of serving with (except Bob, he never liked you, Bob).
Following his wishes, there will not be a service, but wellwishers are encouraged to write a note of farewell on a Schaefer Light beer can and drink it in his honor.
He was never one for sentiment or religiosity, but he wanted you to know that if he owes you a beer, and if you can find him in Heaven, he will gladly allow you to buy him another.
He can likely be found forwarding tasteless internet jokes (check your spam folder, but don’t open these at work). Expect to find an alcoholic dog named Judge passed out at his feet. Unlike previous times, this is not a ploy to avoid creditors or old girlfriends. He assures us that he is gone. He will be greatly missed.
Here are some jokes recently told by late night show hosts.
The organizing committee for the Rio Olympics stays aboard a docked cruise ship called “The Getaway,” which will act as a floating hotel. ‘Cuz nothing makes you feel safer about the Olympics than the organizers staying in a getaway boat. “You kids have fun! We’ll just be over here – with the engines running in case things go south.”
At this point, they should just make peeing in a cup into an Olympic sport. Just let everyone do drugs. Everyone doing drugs is a fair playing field. What’s more exciting than a nine-second 100-meter dash? A three-second 100-meter dash.
Some sad news today in the world of technology, because it was announced that the last company to commercially produce VCRs, Funai Electric of Japan, will discontinue selling VHS cassette tape players this month. For those of you who don’t know what a VCR is, it’s that large clock underneath your great-aunt’s TV.
Hillary Clinton became the first woman to be nominated by a major party in the United States, which even if she doesn’t win is going to look great on her resume.
At the Democratic National Convention – you might have noticed Bernie Sanders supporters were so angry last night that they booed each mention of Hillary Clinton’s name, and even booed the pastor leading the pre-convention prayer. Of course, this was Philadelphia. Booing is just how people exhale.
A new poll has Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump virtually tied, with Clinton leading Trump 46 percent to 45 percent. It’s the closest Trump has ever gotten to a woman his own age.
Donald Trump appears to be softening some of his anti-immigration views lately. So it sounds to me like someone’s shopping for a new wife.
In Britain yesterday, 90-year-old Queen Elizabeth told reporters, “I’m still alive.” It was in response to the question, “What’s the first thing you tell Prince Charles every day?”
It’s tricky for journalists to write about Caitlyn Jenner, because she was a 65-year-old man, now she’s a 2-year-old woman. She’s a toddler with a gold medal, which is impressive.
Iceland is so deserted right now, it looks like Iceland.
The Olympics are in real trouble. Many of the venues are still unfinished, possibly because more than $10 billion in construction contracts went to just five firms, all of which are currently under investigation for price fixing and kickbacks. That has already led to top executives being jailed or charged. Though on the plus side for those executives, the prisons won’t be completed until 2036.
Brazil has one of the highest violent crime rates in the world, which led Rivaldo, a former member of Brazil’s Olympic soccer team, to warn tourists to “Stay in their country of origin” because “Here you will be running the risk of your life” — leading to Brazil’s newest tourist slogan, “Brazil: Come for the sport, stay because you’re dead.”
The Russians tried to cover up their doping. There are reports that for many years Russian athletes have evaded authorities to escape being tested. And of course they’re impossible to catch because they’re Olympians.
The election is still going to be Hillary Clinton versus Donald Trump. It is the very first time in American history that both political parties have the same slogan, “2016, look, it is what it is. What are you gonna do?”
Three cartoon that strike me as funny.